The Victim

Victim wants you to be emotional and temperamental as a way of gaining affection and attention. It results in extreme focus on internal feelings particularly painful ones resulting in a martyr streak. The consequences are you waste your emotional and mental energy. Others feel frustrated, helpless, or guilty that they can never make you happy or that you are always negative and always the martyr.

Victim’s self-justifying lie (promise): Assuming the victim or martyr persona is the best way to attract love and attention. This behavior gets you more love, more positive attention, more connections with others.

How: Makes everything about them and how people and life circumstances negatively impact them. Does not consider how things impact others either positively or negatively.

Looks like: Self-pity, attention seeking.

Feels like: Self-love and taking care of yourself but it’s breadcrumbs when you really want the bread. Can lead to feelings of depression as it keeps you focused on the negative.

Consequence/Problem: People get tired of you and move away from you. Which in turn gives the victim more validation that things happen to them. It’s fuel for their story for those who are still in their life, or those who are new to enter their lives.