The Pleaser

Pleaser compels you to try to gain acceptance and affection by helping, pleasing, or flattering others constantly. It causes you to lose sight of who you are, your own wants and needs, and you can become resentful of others as a result. It can also cause codependent relationships others may become too dependent on you. You become a different person depending on who you are with. No one knows the real you. You can even lose sight of who you really are.

Pleaser’s self-justifying a lie (promise): Pleasing others is a good thing to do because you pretend you aren’t doing it for acceptance and recognition; that you are doing it out of the goodness of your heart. I can help you have better relationships, have people like you more, trust you more, feels closer to you.

How: Doing things for others whether you want to or not, so they like you. Doing things at the expense of your own wants and needs. Having no boundaries or having them but not upholding them.

Looks like: Only saying nice things to people and not saying the tough stuff. Giving, giving, giving, saying yes when you need to say no. 

Feels like: Disappointed in yourself, not having time for the things you want to do. Resentment towards others.

Consequence/Problem: People don’t trust you as much. People get used to taking from the pleaser. Your needs aren’t being met which can be a surprise to others because they didn’t even know what your needs are.