The Controller

Runs on an anxiety based need to take charge to control situations and bend people’s actions to their own will. This generates high anxiety and impatience. The controller feels that they are either in control or out of control, there is no in-between. Although they might get short term results, their controlling creates resentment in others, and it prevents the controller from developing to their fullest potential.

Controller’s self-justifying lie (promise): I am needed. I am the only one capable of producing the best results. If I don’t take charge nothing will get done. If I don’t take charge of the project, it will not be done correctly. There is one right way, and the rest are wrong. Through me you can control the outcome, so you get better outcomes, the quality that you’re looking for by making sure whatever is happening is according to the standard of what I want.

How: Control the small outcome.

Looks like: Taking over, bossing people around. Condescending to those around you. Others lose trust in you.

Feels like: You lose influence over those you’re supposed to lead. People don’t want to work with you.

Consequence/Problem: Deplete other’s confidence, others don’t take initiative. Doesn’t allow others to make mistakes and grow, learn and gain skills from their mistakes.